You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
