I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
