The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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