Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
