His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
