I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
