idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
