my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
