Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
the raccoons are back...
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