Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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