if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
