Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
