He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
