the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
