I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
