3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
