You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
