70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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