You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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