Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
