was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
