we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
