You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
