How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
