i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
