There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
