Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He? As in you personified your dick?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
