so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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