i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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