and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
