Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
