Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
