she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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