Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
