Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
