he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I cut my penus on the lid.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
