please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
