im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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