I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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