Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
