I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
