Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
