I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
