It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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