Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
