I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
