i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
