Joe is yelling at the trees again.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
