Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
