If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
