I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
